How Much Grace?

Lately, I've been wondering. How much "grace" should I extend to myself? Can I eat that cookie, even though I don't need the empty calories? Do I go ahead and spring for the lunch with a friend at McDonald's, even if it's not in the budget? Do I go absolutely spartan and deny myself everything? I wish I could be one of those people who has so much discipline as to deny themselves all of the unnecessary stuff - food, spending, couch time. But I think I'd be a hateful person, focusing on the things I don't have. Now those people who are disciplined AND happy, what a conundrum!

My problem, especially with food, is that once I start sometimes I can't stop. It's an addiction, through and through. I can start with a few chocolate chips, then end up eating most of the bag, then whatever else I can find. Stupid binge foods. Can't establish a pattern to my eating, I eat when bored, happy, sad, busy, lonely... I wish I could just say "okay, I'm going to follow this diet plan without exception." Because it seems that once I allow one exception, more follow like lemmings over the cliff.

So, I know it's not up to me to extend grace to myself. I really don't have it in me. But God has grace abounding, and he extends it to me all the time. Sometimes I wish I didn't need so dad gum much grace! My problem now is how do I balance my knowledge of God's abundant, at-the-ready grace with my sinful nature? Paul said in Romans 6 that we are dead to sin, and that we should not allow sin to reign in us. Okay, what does that mean? Where is the "line" of sin when it comes to self-indulgence? Absolutely no indulgences whatsoever? One or two...a day? a week? a month? Why can't it be cut and dried? "Kelli, you can have an extra treat two times a week. You can spend $20 on fun stuff per pay period." Is it wrong to put frameworks (a diet- maybe I'll call it an "eating plan", a budget - "a spending plan") in front of me that I need to hold myself accountable to? Bottom line, right now I think I'm a slave to eating and spending. Can I use the frameworks to free myself? Either it's in the plan or it's not. Is God okay with that kind of self-imposed legalism? Or is it bondage in a new form?

Well, let's try it. A spending plan. An eating plan. Maybe I can REALLY follow them this time. On my own? No. Only with the help of the One who makes all things possible.